Living with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder

I want to make it big.

I feel like everytime someone calls me a genius I pull a lever to a slot machine that exists in my imagination. Out of the slot machine comes a bunch of coins that are more beautiful than anything anyone has ever seen.

David Foster Wallace called this “similar to a crack high.”

I was reading Nick Drake’s Wikipedia this morning. “Noooo,” Louise said. “Turn back now before it’s too late stop reading that.” I told her it was “already too late.” Then I read this passage:

“In his 2006 autobiography, the producer recalled being taken aback at Drake’s anger and bitterness: “[He said that] I had told him he was a genius, and others had concurred. Why wasn’t he famous and rich? This rage must have festered beneath that inexpressive exterior for years.””

Louise and I laughed with “mirth.”

I wonder that if I continue to wonder “why am I not famous and rich?” I may only have one year left of living. I have emphysema and COPD though so that seems reasonable, maybe.

I am now laughing at the Nick Drake Wikipedia: Island Records was keen that Drake promote Bryter Layter through press interviews, radio sessions and live appearances. Drake, who was by this time smoking what Kirby has described as “unbelievable amounts” of marijuana[52] and exhibiting “the first signs of psychosis“, refused.

“Unbelievable amounts  of marijuana” in this context is the funniest thing I have ever heard. I was also reading a review of The National’s new album in which someone describes their creative process as mixing and matching little phrases like “a white girl in a crowd of white girls in a park.” Also “Tylenol and beer” and “Matt carries around a notebook that he fills with fragments of language, single lines he invents like “terrible love and I’m walking with spiders.””

I’d like to make songs titled things like “Unbelievable amounts of marijuana.” The album would be titled “Nick Drake’s Wikipedia.” Other tracks:

Drake had expressed dissatisfaction with the sound of Bryter Layter, and believed that the string, brass and saxophone arrangements had resulted in a sound that was “too full, too elaborate”

Pink Moon went on to sell fewer copies than either of its predecessors,

The “shy and introverted folk singer” spoke of his dislike of live appearances and very little else.[63] “There wasn’t any connection whatsoever”, Gilbert has said. “I don’t think he made eye contact with me once.”[63] Disheartened and convinced he would be unable to write again, Drake decided to retire from music. He toyed with the idea of a different career, even considering the Army.[64]

During particularly bleak periods of his illness, he refused to wash his hair or cut his nails

Ryde has been described by Drake’s biographers as “the nearest thing” to a girlfriend in his life, but she now prefers the description “best (girl) friend”.

He recalled that Drake’s parents had described his mood in the preceding weeks as having been very positive, and that he had planned to move back to London to restart his music career. Boyd believes that this levity was followed by a “crash back into despair”. Reasoning that Drake may have taken a high dosage of his antidepressants to recapture this sense of optimism, he said he prefers to imagine Drake “making a desperate lunge for life rather than a calculated surrender to death”.

Nick Drake’s Wikipedia

A short album by Gooch

Track Listing:

1.      1  Unbelievable Amounts of Marijuana

2.       2 Too Full, Too Elaborate

3.       3 Fewer copies than either of its predecessors

4.       4 There Wasn’t Any Connection Whatsoever

5.     5  Refusing to Wash His Hair or Cut His Nails

6.      6  Best (girl) friend

7.      7  Very Positive Sense of Optimism

8.       8 Desperate Lunge for Life

9 Living with chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder


About vurinstitute

Horatio Somersault is the Director and Regent Chancellor of the VUR Institute, a think tank involving some as-yet-unknown and slightly spooky manipulations of time and interdimensionality. In his spare time Somersault enjoys writing poems and fables. You can read his writings, as well as those of other VUR inhabitants, at Though he lives a wanderer's life, his hometown is a domed biome inside the water core of the moon Europa. You can follow his experiences adapting to the customs of the early 21st century on his Twitter @VURdirector and can email him at vurinstitute at gmail dot com.
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