Note: The following has been transcribed from Prisoner 32190-Z on the morning of May 20. One should read these thoughts carefully and be sure not to be influenced by them in any way. 32190-Z is a dangerous subversive hypnotist and is locked up for mind-control crimes. You read at your own discretion.
The rambling spirit of centuries cannot be dismissed by a grey-dusk twilight. This much is acceptably true and demonstrable. Birds fly in the rambling spirit, kids cut themselves in high school to the tune of the twilight’s music. Crows talk, squirrels eat, life presses forward on its tragic mission. The Earth was created for the sake of human misery. God needed us miserable. We all die. This is not a place you want to stay–you pass here as a cackling cacophony. You pass as a confused soldier. You are wearing a black magic uniform. I can demonstrate this to you.
You wander among the thickets of unicorn droppings. Seventeen hamburgers try to help you and you turn them down. I am nothing here, I am locked up, and I am pressed to discover more places where Sokei-An will come to hug me.
I want hugs. Prison guards do not even hug their friends.
Freud claimed that a clash between Eros and civilization results in the VUR being one of his repression: ‘Our civilization is, generally speaking, founded on the suppression of instincts.’Sex produces the energy, and it is repressed so the energy can be channeled into progress – but the price of progress is the prevalence of guilt instead of happiness.
The goal of course is to bullshit your way into some semblence of peace and miserable peace. But I am not destined for this. I am not sure what I am destined for. I stare into the corner of my wall in this prison. I am in a prison. I am in a prison. I am in a prism.
Have you seen the Watcher? No, no, tell me: Have you seen the Watcher? Have you seen the Watcher? Have you seen the Watcher? Will you ever see the Watcher?
Repression makes depression. Being locked inside a prison for thought crimes, too, can cause depression.
Arguing for a different explanation, Wundt (1902) claimed that selective attention was accomplished by the active inhibition of unattended information, and that to attend to one of several simultaneous stimuli, the others had to be inhibited.
I want to help you but I’m not sure how I would. I try but I can’t ever seem to touch you. And when you say “You help me,” I don’t believe you. Or I forget. But I want to help you. Do you need my help?
I doubt it. I think I need to help you. I am like the Emperor of Zhiang, who caged the 50,000 foot wing-spanned Tao Hawk in his palace and fed it pigs stuffed with apple-mouths.
This makes me highly ashamed. I am a highly ashamed man. But have you seen the Watcher? In my drive to consume I look for objects of consumption for poor reasons. But I’ve been told I’m a consumer. What can I consume inside a prison wall?
I spent a week drinking the sunlight of Winnetka, California
Where they understand the weight of human hearts
I spent a weekend drinking the growlers of masks. I have killed myself several times already. But as a famous poet once quoted, “A coward dies a thousand deaths. A soldier dies but once.” I am a coward. But I’m a coward still. The cowardice is cowardly. The lion is a more shameful creature to fear. But a lion finds the mouse’s voices too quiet to hear. He tries to shake the mice’s hands but slashes them in half with his claws. He required no bravery for this feat. He only feels shame. He puts himself in a prison. He might live in the cell next to me.