Salty Dogs

Ahoy thar I bring great booty off the coast of the golden shore! Seventy virgins! Roads lined in bergamot oil! I have come from a raping and pillaging good time. Multiple enemies of ours were burned and drowned to death. Their deaths pleased my men and boosted the morale of my ship. This has armed me with further feelings of power I am delighted to share with you!

What have we looted from the shore?

We’ve taken forty-two goldfishes from a merchant selling children’s toys at a Supermall.

We stole a chest containing 3 human skulls, 27 $100 golden coins, and an Essence of Mystery that will make your hair smell like dangerous midnight if you put it in your shampoo.

We stole three people’s souls. I’m really enjoying this new Sorcerer I employed. He took their souls and now we use them to inspire ourselves for the creative activities of the piracy business.

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About vurinstitute

Horatio Somersault is the Director and Regent Chancellor of the VUR Institute, a think tank involving some as-yet-unknown and slightly spooky manipulations of time and interdimensionality. In his spare time Somersault enjoys writing poems and fables. You can read his writings, as well as those of other VUR inhabitants, at vurinstitute.wordpress.com. Though he lives a wanderer's life, his hometown is a domed biome inside the water core of the moon Europa. You can follow his experiences adapting to the customs of the early 21st century on his Twitter @VURdirector and can email him at vurinstitute at gmail dot com.
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